എന്‍റെ ഹൃദയപുഷ്പ്പം

നീ ഒരു പനിനീര്‍ പൂവാണ് എന്ന് ഞാന്‍ അറിയുന്നു.നിന്‍റെ സൗരഭ്യം എന്‍റെ ജീവനില്‍ പുതിയ പ്രതീക്ഷകളും ആശകളും നിറയ്കുന്നു. എന്നെ നിന്നില്‍ നിന്നും വേര്‍തിരിക്കുന്ന മുള്ളുവേലിയും ഞാന്‍ അറിയുന്നു.
ഒരു വഴിപോക്കന്‍ മാത്രമായ എന്നെ നിന്‍റെ പവിത്രമായ ദലങ്ങള്‍ ആകര്‍ഷിക്കുന്നു. നീ എന്റെതാവില്ല എന്ന് അറിയുമ്പോള്‍ നിന്‍റെ പരിശുദ്ധമായ മന്ദഹാസം എന്നെ തളര്‍ത്തുന്നു.

ഈ മുള്ളുവേലികള്‍ തകര്‍ത്തു എനിക്കു നിന്നെ സ്വന്തമാക്കാം. ആ പ്രയത്നം എന്നിലുണ്ടാക്കുന്ന മുറിവുകളെ ഞാന്‍ ഭയക്കുന്നില്ല. നിന്നെ പൊതിയുന്ന മുള്ളുകളും എന്നെ അസ്വസ്തനാക്കുന്നില്ല. നിന്‍റെ ചെടിക്കുണ്ടാകുന്ന നഷ്ടതെയോര്‍ത്തു ഞാന്‍ വിലപിക്കില്ല. പക്ഷെ എന്‍റെ സ്വാര്‍ത്ഥത നിന്‍റെ ദലങ്ങളെ എന്നെന്നേയ്ക്കുമായി കരിയിച്ചു കളയുമെന്ന തിരിച്ചറിവു എന്നെ അബലനാക്കുന്നു.

നിന്‍റെ ഓര്‍മ്മകളും നീ എന്നില്‍ ഉണര്‍ത്തിയ ആശകളുമായി ഞാന്‍ യാത്രതുടരുന്നു. ഈ യാത്രയില്‍ എനിയ്ക്കൊരു പ്രാര്‍ഥന മാത്രമെയുളളു, കാലഹരണപെട്ട ഈ വേലികള്‍ തകര്‍ന്നടിയണമേ എന്നു.
ഞാന്‍ തിരിച്ചു എത്തുമ്പോള്‍ നീ ചിലപ്പോള്‍ പൊലിഞ്ഞു പോയേയ്ക്കാം ,നിന്നെ വേറൊരാള്‍ സ്വന്തമാക്കീയേക്കാം. എങ്കിലും എന്‍റെ ഹൃദയത്തില്‍ നീ മന്ദഹസിയ്ക്കുന്നു. അവിടെ നിന്നില്‍ മുള്ളുകള്‍ ഇല്ല ,എന്നെ നിന്നില്‍ നിന്നും വേര്‍തിരിക്കുന്ന മുളളുവേളലി്പ്പടര്‍പ്പുംഇല്ല . എന്‍റെ ഹൃദയത്തുടിപ്പുകള്‍ ഉള്ള നിമിഷം വരെയും നീ അനശ്വരമായി സൗരഭ്യം പരത്തുന്നു.

How Robert Bruce changed my life!!!!!!

How Robert Bruce changed my Life!!!!!!

If you ask me what the most important thing that you need to move forward and be successful in whatever you do is, I would say it is inspiration. It is always helpful to read some inspirational stories or quotes whenever we are pushed back to the walls. I even know people who derive inspiration from movies as well. But whatever the means be, people always search for a source of inspiration and accept it in whatever forms they come in. Modern political idols like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela is known to have been inspired by Gandhian principles and his philosophy of struggle. Even historical villainous character Adolph Hitler was inspired by Otto van Bismarck. Just goes to sure how a piece of inspiration can change life of millions of people around, change the course of history and leave an ever lasting impression till the world continues to exist.

But my experiences have taught me, however wonderful the inspiration is, sometimes they can have demoralizing, negative and disastrous effects.

The likes of Mahatma Gandhi, Socrates, Vivekananda, Mandela, Buddha, Christ and all have inspired people to greater heights. But the inspiration that I drew from Robert Bruce had a demoralizing impact on my life. Some might wonder how Robert Bruce could demoralize me. Yes, we are talking about the same Robert Bruce, who saw a spider spin its web while he was hiding in a cave. The spider only succeeded after several attempts which inspired Bruce to go out again for war and defeat the enemies. I don’t know if he really saw a spider or something and may be its just one of those folk tales.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_I_of_Scotland#Legends

Well you people could be wondering how a man of such a stature and capable of inspiring any man at any place around the world become a nightmare for me.

The instance that I am talking about is something personal. Like all the guys, I too had a crush on a girl when I was a teenager. But owing to many reasons that crush was not able to develop into a full fledged relationship. I never tried to find out why it didn’t work out well either. But in short I could say that the relationship was a disaster. I won’t say that I broke up with that girl, because there should be at least some sort of relationship between people if they have to break up. How could you expect relationship between two people who never talked to each other. So at the end it was like two strangers suddenly becoming enemies. I know it sounds weird.
Well let me clarify then. Though I had known that girl personally I never had the guts to talk to her in person. So all I did was to mail her. So once she understood that I had such an intention, she completely ignored me. So as any logical man would do, I too moved forward then.

But here is a twist in the tale. After many months of ignoring each other, we started communicating again, thanks to a popular social networking site. I think by that time I had matured enough to understand that just because she is talking to me doesn’t mean she has any sort of affection towards me. The relationship was quite like that between acquaintances. There always existed a mental block between us that always prevented us from talking openly or freely. I wanted to change that and become good friends with her but it remained the same.

Well you will be thinking now what Robert Bruce did in all this stuff. The villain Bruce is to enter now only.

So it all started while once she was online and as usual I typed, “HELLO”.I waited for sometime to get any reply but got no reply. Again I typed “HELLO”. Waited for quite sometime and again no response. So it was at this moment that I took inspiration from Robert Bruce. I typed, “HELLO. I AM INSPIRED BY ROBERT BRUCE, WONT GIVE UP THAT EASILY.”
Again seeing no response I presumed she might be offline. I chatted with many other people and did all my usual online works before logging out. What I actually meant was that I will type HELLO till I get any reply.

Next day I was online as usual. I logged into my social networking account. Just checked if I had any messages but there was not any. I thought about what had happened the previous day. I expected her reply but as I said I didn’t get any. So I decided to type her some message. I searched for her in my friends list but she was not in it. I searched for her in the site and finally found her profile. She was online and she had deleted me from her friends list. So I kept thinking why she should have deleted me from the friends list. A person who chatted with me normally deleted me all of a sudden. What wrong could I have done?

I knew what went wrong. It was ROBERT BRUCE for sure.
So what was that about Robert Bruce that made her delete me? I tried to figure out.
Since after this instance I had no communication with her, all I can do is to make logical guesses.
First of the many possible reasons can be, she might have thought whatever obstacles I face I will try to make her my date. Of course that could have been the reason for such a reaction.
May be she doesn’t even know who this Robert Bruce is and she can very well say, “IGNORANCE IS BLISS”.
May be she might have presumed that Robert Bruce was some fanatic or a barbarian and she would have thought I was threatening her.

But whatever she thought is now immaterial, because ROBERT BRUCE had destroyed that acquaintance forever. That marked the end of any sort of communication that continued to exist. My ego didn’t allow me to clear misunderstandings and that was the nail on the coffin. Because of Robert Bruce we were like total strangers when we finally did meet accidentally. A person who should be quite an unforgettable one is now nothing but another of the strangers.

That’s what Robert Bruce did to me. Robert Bruce destroyed relationship with a person whom I could never forget. I have come to understand that how ever wonderfully inspiring a person, a story or a situation may be, it can have disastrous effects.
Even now when I think of stories of inspiration I will never forget Robert Bruce, the King of Scotland.

The Madman

I don’t remember how long I have been running. I could still hear the shouting and screaming of people who are chasing me. They are carrying with them sticks, pelting stones and hurling abuses at me. I cannot do anything but run away from them. My feet are bleeding because I am running bare feet. Blood is flowing down my head from the wounds those people made, but pain they have made in my heart is hurting me more. My legs can’t take me any further.

I could still hear shouting at a distance. They are screaming “Madman, Madman”. There is no one near me now. I can’t run any longer. There are a few people lying here, men like me whom the intelligent people here calls ‘insane’.

I can’t figure out which place this is. I am feeling hungry. I don’t remember the last time I ate. There is nothing to eat now. I quenched my thirst by drinking water from the gutter. My clothes are all soiled, patched up and smelly. I am sitting here and catching my breath. I am sitting in this place and trying to remember the first person who called me the madman. Was it my girl whom I loved, for being totally honest with her???
Or my so called friends, for I had views that was never popular with them????
I can’t remember which of them did.

I can’t help myself from laughing at the fact that I am called a madman by these people.
In this normal world I have seen the so called normal man betray his own country for his material benefits.
I have seen brothers killing brothers in the name of politics, religion and country.
I have seen people being classified and distinguished on the basis of the so called caste and origin.
I have seen people saying and trying to convince things which even they didn’t believe in.
I have seen wives betraying their husbands and vice versa.
I have seen men who backstab being glorified.
I have seen money being made by exploiting human emotions.
I have seen countries being conquered for fulfilling petty greed.
I have seen the new generation forget the past, history and culture and fall prey to the so called youth explosion.

May be I couldn’t do these and many other things, which the so called normal man do each and every day.
May be like the ideal citizens I didn’t keep myself quiet at this world order.
I don’t want to be such a normal man. I prefer the life of a madman in this mad world.

I am feeling sleepy again. I could again hear their voices, the voices of men who are chasing me. They have already seen me. I have to run again. I don’t know if I will be able to survive. My end is imminent, I know for sure. It is just a matter of time now. But still I am running hoping against all odds.
Running away from this mad world.

My Girl

It was nearing the end of a hectic work schedule and what that awaits me is a two day bash. This few moments that I should continue to finish seemed like hours. "Oh, god when will it finish", I was wondering. It was then that a girl came up to me and asked"Hope we can have a great weekend like what we had last time around "."Oh, I would have loved to, but you see I am helpless, I wont be here this weekend, should hurry back home to visit my parents, It's been awfully long time since I last met them". The girl left without passing back any comments .I felt I made a convincing lie to shrug off the girl. I was feeling great about myself for coming with such a good reason in no time at all. But the girl continued her venture. But luckily I was able to finish on time and make an exit, the day looked bright then. In short I got out from the office.

The climate at that period of time at that part of the country had become quite unbearable, I should say. To guard myself from the forces of the nature I had taken a jacket, but it didn't seem to help much. I took out a cigarette and lighted it, which helped I felt. As usual many people like me had flooded the streets. It wouldn't be much exaggerating if I would say it looked like a sea of men and women. I thought it wasn't a bad comparison either. Like streams joining to form rivers and rivers joining to form sea, people from different parts of the country have come here and have formed a part of this metro culture and like the drops of the sea whose origin river cannot be found out ,the people here have formed a culture which no one seemed to escape from.


I made my way into the stream of people who seemed to moving without a destination, as far as I was concerned I wasn't sure as to whether I had one or not. After throwing out the cigar I fetched my pocket for another one but there wasn't any, so I got myself out of the stream of people to get two packets of cigar. Well as I said I wasn't sure about my destination, I was taking a girl out on a date, whom I had seen once or twice and was an ex-date of one my friends and it was one of the reasons why I snubbed the offer from my colleague and I wasn't sure whether I was to meet her or not, because she told me she would ring me up but I hadn't received a call as of then. I had to buy a bottle of champagne or was it something else she asked me to buy?

It was then that my mobile phone started ringing, I was damn sure that it would be her, only to find out that it was my mom.
She asked the usual questions like is my work over and some other questions which I don't remember ,because I had ready made answers for those queries .It was followed by the general instructions, like the things I should remember while crossing road and other instruction that's fit more for a KG student rather than a 29 year old professional ,and so many other things which I didn't bother at all .To not to upset her in any way I gave the impression that I was very much listening and obeying that as well.

Well after attending that call, I was left wondering where I was. The place looked quite alien to me. So I was looking all around to find whether I could find a clue as to where I should go. It was then I found a person sitting in the passenger's seat of a car staring at me. It didn't take me much time to find out who it was. It was a girl whom I can never forget.
The sun had set but it was a face I could even recognize in the faintest of lights. A tide of feelings crept up my mind and I wasn't able to figure out what exactly that feeling was. I tried to smile at her but I was not sure if my face followed those orders from my brain. My attempt seemed to fail. For some obvious reasons she took her eyes away from me .She was holding a child who was looking at me as well .She didn't look much different though it seemed she had put on some weight.

I didn't know who she was to me. The time in minutes which I had talked to her could be counted with the fingers in the hand. But why is that I am sweating in such a chilly condition, is beyond explanation.
It has been about 12 years since we last met, but memories did remain .She didn't bother to invite me to the marriage either .I had come to know that she was in this city but had always prayed that such a meeting should never take place. But there are some things which are beyond our control. I still don't understand as to why she acted in such a strange manner, why is it that she still looks at me like a stranger though I never did anything to upset her than to express my feelings for her. I understood she still remains there in my heart. I knew it was useless thinking about it now. The quote from the film 'Little Manhattan' where the 10 year old boy says," There may be hundreds of girls around but only one can be my first love" made much sense. Otherwise I wouldn't be left in such a state now.

A man who didn't look much familiar to me was there in the driver's seat, and he was talking to someone over a phone and after the call ended he started the car. The child was still looking at me and was laughing like he had seen
a clown .I knew he had a point .I was still standing and gazing at her, but the crowd from behind was urging me to move on. I was moving as if I were under a spell. I was brought to senses by the ring of my phone and I understood it was the girl whom I was supposed to meet. I looked back to find out if she was there, but it was not to be.
Praying that everything goes good for her I continued my journey.